


truth is all that they want (but the truth's a one-two punch)

by bitterwholesomegay (softfloralbro)



Category: Autoboyography - Christina Lauren
Genre: Crisis of Faith, Gen, Leaving the Church, Mormonism, Supportive Sibling Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-03
Updated: 2019-08-03
Packaged: 2020-07-29 23:20:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 862
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20090452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/softfloralbro/pseuds/bitterwholesomegay
Summary: Jen decides to leave the Church after realizing how much harm and angst it’s caused her favorite brother.





	truth is all that they want (but the truth's a one-two punch)

**Author's Note:**

> WHOOP WHOOP GUESS WHO'S BACK WITH PROJECTING THEIR EXPERIENCES ONTO FICTIONAL CHARACTERS. IT'S MEEEEEEEEEEEEE
> 
> Jen is an original sibling character who I made up and introduced in love as we should not love. link to that fic, where she calls out their parents for their hypocritical church bullshit and Sebastian is deeply touched, here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16681204
> 
> title from, you guessed it, tyler glenn. this time his song 'john, give 'em hell'. GREAT song, one of my favorites on the album. might write another original sibling character fic about one of the other lyrics, "in the meantime, give 'em hell." screams Jen Brother to me.

It’s 7:34 pm on a Tuesday when Sebastian’s phone vibrates. His sister Jen is calling. While he’d never admit it to any of his other sisters, Jen is 100% his favorite of all his siblings. She’s Consistently been the the least weird about talking to him since his family found out about his sexuality.

“Hey Jen, what’s up? Aren’t you at young women’s right now?” He knows that some people don’t take Tuesday night mutual meetings as seriously as going to church on Sunday, but being the bishop’s kids, none of them have ever gotten away with skipping the weeknight meetings for teenagers.

“I’m done, Sebastian. I can’t do it anymore.”

“Do...what? Young women’s?”

“All of it. The whole dang Church. I’m done.”

“Jen, it’s taken me years to even  _ consider  _ going to a different church - what do you mean you’re ‘done’?”

“I mean I’m done. I’m out. I prayed about it, and honestly? My answer is that there’s not one freakin’ thing wrong with you. and I can’t stand for this. I  _ refuse _ to stand for it. I can’t partake in a gospel that preaches love and family above all else, and then just…rejects you like that. They refuse to love you the way you are, and honestly? Screw that noise. I'm out. It’s hypocrisy and I'm out.”

“That’s...are you sure? That’s not something you should decide lightly.”

“Yeah, I’m sure, Seb. This is my truth, that being gay isn’t wrong. It’s not a sin. Gay marriage isn’t going to wreck the Celestial Kingdom, and it’s not an abominable falsehood. It’s a celebration of love and commitment, just like any temple marriage between a man and a woman. This doctrine has caused you so much pain. I didn’t realize until you came out - or were outed, I guess. I started praying about it.

“It never sat quite right with me, the Church doctrine about homosexuality, but. I just put it in a box of things I couldn’t deal with and proceeded to... not deal with it. But now that I’ve looked at it, real hard and real close, and prayed  _ so much _ and studied the scriptures, and as far as I can tell, the Book of Mormon never addresses homosexuality, and neither did Jesus himself. I think the Church is Wrong about this, and I don’t think I can dismiss it as just prophets speaking as men, not as men of God. Literally last October in general conference, President Oaks said that they refuse to back down on this, no matter how much controversy it causes. Maybe President Oaks  _ is  _ just speaking as a deeply flawed, homophobic man, but he’s presenting it as the word of God. I don’t think I can just write that off, no matter if it’s truly revelation or it just comes down to personal bias.

“If they’re going to preach that I must believe fully in the One True Church or I'm not a good, faithful member? Then I'm not a good, faithful member. Seb, you know me. I don’t do anything half way. I’ve thought about it and prayed about it, and I can’t have one foot in and one foot out the door. That’s not how this works, and I'm not going to delude myself that I could somehow, miraculously make it work.”

There’s silence on the line, as Sebastian waits to make sure Jen’s done with what she has to say. When it seems like she’s finished, he hesitantly asks, “Do you still believe in god, Jen?”

“Honestly? I don’t know. I do know that I don’t believe in the Church though. They can’t make this kind of mistake and misjudgement and pretend it’s not hurting people. Because it is. And I can’t be part of that.”

“Jen, it’s taken me years to even  _ entertain _ the idea that the Church might not be True. How on earth have you processed this in the handful of months since you found out about me?”

“Sebastian, I wish you could love yourself like I love you. I mean, if something or someone was hurting  _ me  _ this much, you’d do your level best to take them out - don’t even try to tell me otherwise, I know you would.  _ That _ much I do know beyond a shadow of a doubt.

“And I can’t stand idly by while this happens. To you and to my friends and to every gay kid in this church. I don’t think there’s a single thing I can do to change the Church’s position on this, so. I think I have to go.”

“Are you gonna tell mom and dad?”

“Honestly? I think I’ll keep going to church and seminary and the whole bit. I won’t like it, but even if I did talk to them about it, they’d just double down and tell me to pray harder and study more and then i’d get the answer they want me to have. It’ll be easier to front until I leave for college. It’s less than a year away anyways.”

“Still gonna go to BYU?” Sebastian asks with a smirk.

  
“Not on your life, bro. I love  _ myself  _ more than that.”

**Author's Note:**

> so yeah, that's the fic, that's my story. my older sister came out to me as a lesbian, and within like. 4 months, i had decided to leave the church. UNCONDITIONAL SIBLING LOVE, Y'ALL. 
> 
> (this was before i'd figured out i was queer - being ace and nonbinary is very difficult to put words to regardless of your background, but ESPECIALLY when you're raised mormon. i kind of wanted to project my queer feels onto jen brother but then decided that was a little too self-insert, even for my particular brand of the "let's process all my trauma bullshit via projecting onto fictional characters" genre of fanfiction.)
> 
> also i say near the beginning that sebastian was outed, and i can't remember if that's actually how that played out. someone correct me if i'm wrong? i read the book once over a year ago and got it from my local library (#librarystan4lyfe)


End file.
